The War Prayer
Today I continue my series on classic American literature with a lesser-known work by Mark Twain.
Last week I considered the importance of classic literature to a modern gentleman’s leisure and edification. I also noted that a modern gentleman’s busy life and time constraints make the balance of the world’s great works unattainable. And so I have found for you one more very short story that is in every way a classic and certain to make you a wiser person.
This week, I have attempted to counter-balance last week’s selection. London’s To Build a Fire was a story of the inherent harshness of the natural world, how the wild—and one might say the entire world—is amoral and without judgment or favor. The theme of the story I present to you this week is diametrically opposed to this notion. In fact, the author portrays human suffering in a much different light—humans are not only responsible for our suffering, we readily pray for it. But have no fear—this author is adept at moralizing without being preachy—even when the protagonist is in fact a preacher.
Lucille Ball
A modern gentleman can learn a lot from reruns of "I Love Lucy."
If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more things you do, the more things you can do.
— Lucille Ball
Still, a modern gentleman realizes most people consider themselves busy and have as much on their plates as they can handle. This is because of Parkinson’s Law, which states “work expands to fill the time available for its completion.”
Electric Wine Bottle Opener
I received an Oster electric wine bottle opener from my sister and brother-in-law for Christmas.
A modern gentleman has a weakness for needless appliances, especially when they are electrical. He may never again use his Swiss Army knife to open a bottle of wine.
Chapter Eleven
Cullen Jones is Black and can swim. Julian Jackson is not Cullen Jones.
“What are you thinking about?” Julian whispered to Sophia as the two cuddled in his twin bed after his roommate left for the library.
“Do you swim?”
“I’m Black,” Julian said.
“Okay?”
“No.”
“Well, I had an analogy, but now I’m not sure you’ll get it.”
“Try.”
“Say you’re in the middle of a lake, in sight of the docks on either shore but still quite a ways from either. You’re tired of swimming, so you’re treading water. If you’re with someone, treading water, no matter how you feel about each other, whoever tires first will cling to the other to try to stay afloat, pulling both underwater.”
“God, Sophia, is this what you were thinking about? I was lying here trying to remember which dining halls were open.”
“If you swam I wouldn’t have had to set up my analogy, so just listen. Now, if you’re swimming, being with a partner is great, actually it’s the most responsible way to swim. But if you’re treading water, having a partner is a liability, not just to you, but also to the person you care about.”
“Good, I can’t swim, and it’s too cold to go to the beach now anyway.”
“You know what I mean,” Sophia said. “I’ve been treading water since my sister got sick. At first I enrolled at Hanscom to be closer to my family, but I became obsessed with finding out who dealt the drugs that put her in a coma. Anyway, I’m getting tired. I thought Jason was Stella’s dealer, so I’ve been creeping around The Den, trying to figure things out, and doing things I don’t respect myself for in the process. I stole from Jason’s room to try to prove it, but nothing I took meant anything. And I wanted to return them and just be done with it, but now I can’t find them. I think I’m losing it.”
“What are you saying?”
“We should break up, you should find someone whose not insane to date, and I need to find something else to occupy my time.”
Sophia moved from Julian’s spoon, adjusted her skirt, and walked out the door.
Julian lay in bed, not moving and speechless.
Read More…
Nichol Caddingham
Dudley Dickerson
