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Homesick Toast

I’m making this tomorrow morning.

Simple Provisions

Homesick Avocado on Toast

I have fully embraced the New York breakfast of boiled dough spread thick with an inch of cream cheese.

Bagels fuel the working week in NYC. Every Tuesday at work there is a long meeting that uses bagels to lure people in. We take turns in bringing the bagels, which means we start each meeting dissecting today’s batch, comparing them to the reigning favourite provider. If you bring sub-par bagels, you put productivity in jeopardy. These chewy rolls demand respect, and I’m happy to give it to them.

But sometimes, I miss Australian breakfasts.

A thick slice of toast smothered in creamy avocado and spiked with fresh herbs and citrus is happiness on a plate to me. It tastes like home, or, more specifically, a menu item at one of my favourite cafes in Melbourne. So when I feel a longing for Australia, I make Homesick Toast.

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Social Experiments

The things I like most about this chart are that it is ridiculously simplistic, a .gif and made in Microsoft Paint.

A modern gentleman has conducted economic research, using himself as a test subject. He has come to two conclusions:

  • After living in a cooperative with seven other graduate students, a modern gentleman learned that communism only works if everyone in the microcosm is communist. If even one person does not espouse the ideology of “share and share alike,” all of the spoons will end up locked away.
  • For the last year, a modern gentleman has toyed with platonic prostitution, extrapolating a theory he had as a restaurant critic for the Palm Beach Post (“Only fools pay for their own food”). Basically, he thought of his life in terms of billable hours, taking on any task that introduced revenue or finding a way to make money at unavoidable tasks and minimizing activities for which he did not benefit financially — directly or otherwise. He also endeavored to eliminate those that actually cost him money. A modern gentleman has learned that this is no way to live in the long term, but there are definite short-term advantages.


Although Ellen Barkin did not invent the erotic thriller, she certainly perfected it. Only she could make naps sexy.

A modern gentleman has incorporated an early afternoon nap into his daily routine. Although taking a siesta will be harder to justify once work begins again this fall, he now cannot imagine life without a daily repose, a period of inactivity that rejuvenates and renders coffee a luxury rather than a necessity.


A modern gentleman gushes about Will Shortz, the editor of the New York Times’ crossword.

He has always loved crosswords, especially those that appear in the Times. A modern gentleman now most often works them online but prefers to do them while sitting on his porch, pen in hand, with a cup of coffee.

Admittedly, I looked up answers until I learned the language and wit of these wonderful puzzles.


Before I can play for pleasure, I must purchase a set of clubs, take a few lessons and hire a man-servant to follow me around the links carrying my equipment.

At the behest of a gentleman from Korean with whom he helps with English, a modern gentleman will take up golf.

They have talked about the sport extensively, and it seems to align with the physical and mental abilities of the modern gentleman.

Fly Swatting

In summer, this is perfectly legitimate pastime, though a modern gentleman does cap the number of pests he will annihilate in a sitting.

Did anyone else think these items were called “flice waters”?


The medium is the message

A modern gentleman considers the medium when crafting a message.

A portrait of his tortoise, for example, looks best rendered with watercolor.

The watercolorist responsible for this work exhibits obvious limitations in terms of technique, specifically achieving realistic perspective and blending colors. Still, it is a decent likeness.